The Spider
by Meowlister Memsie
Summary: While cleaning up the Moonbase cafeteria, Virginia and Bartie find a spider. [Just friendship, slight 23x35 tease at the most]


"BARTIE!"

The quiet base is nearly blasted off the moon with the shrill scream. Fortunately, the building is empty, for everyone has packed up and gone home. Well, almost empty. In the pocket of Virginia Sims is a slip of paper that bears orders of cafeteria clean-up. Why, you ask? According to Virginia, the reason is ridiculous.

She grimaces as she scrapes yet another bit of gum from a table. _Sure, I can dump soda on people and pelt someone with gumballs. Heck, I can even squirt mustard into somebody's eyes! But the moment I slam a co-worker's face into a pie, I'm suddenly "unprofessional."_

Sighing, Virginia crawls out from beneath the gum-riddled table. After standing up, she glances about the room that is vacant with the exception of her. Her hand digs into her pocket, and she fishes out the paper.

 _PERSONAL PUNISHMENT SLIP_

 _SUBJECT(S): Numbuh 23, Numbuh 35_  
 _PUNISHMENT: Cafeteria Cleaning_  
 _SERVING: After hours, Saturday_  
 _REASON FOR PUNISHMENT: Throwing food at each other during Saturday's lunch_

 _SIGNED: Numbuh 362_

Virginia runs a hand through a pigtail, frustration bubbling inside. This is a joint punishment, so where is that son of a gun? Wherever he is, he better come quick! After all, she can't clean this godforsaken place by herself.

Sucking in a breath, she screams, "BARTIE, GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" a distant reply says. Virginia huffs. _That's what he said ten minutes ago!_

She grabs a mop that's propped up against a bucket, and she dips it in. _Whatever, I'll do it myself. He'd probably make a bigger mess of things, anyway._

Pushing the tool about, she watches the trail of cleanliness it leaves behind. She scrubs at every dust bunny and every scuff in sight. Might as well do a good job; it'll give her more credit with Numbuh 362.

When she reaches the trashcan, she cringes at the fine layer of dust surrounding it. Wrinkling her nose, she drags the mop through the mess. Dunking it in the yellow tub, she repeats. Honestly, everything's going smoothly. Virginia is almost finished with swabbing up the area, even though Bartie is absent. _I don't need him!_ she thinks triumphantly with a smirk.

Her pride promptly withers away at the sight of an ungodly creature.

The mop clatters to the ground, Virginia's lips parted. She releases a feral, guttural scream, only stopping when her throat turns raw.

" _BARTIE STORK_!" The shriek is impossible to miss. "GET OVER HERE, PLEASE, _GET OVER HERE!_ "

Sensing urgency, Bartie jumps up from his comfy seat before racing down the stairwells ten at a time. His shoelaces come undone, but he doesn't slow down.

Skidding in the cafeteria, he shouts, "Why, what's wrong?"

Bartie skims the room, his eyes eventually landing on a stricken Virginia. He rushes over, and he places a hand on her shaking shoulder. "What happened?"

Slowly, she points to the corner and over a small garbage bin. "It's over there," she whispers fearfully. Worry and fright strikes Bartie hard, but- being the proud gentleman he is- he investigates. Virginia frowns at his roar of laughter.

" _Seriously_?" he asks in disbelief. He crouches down for moment before standing. He faces Virginia with an arm extended. "This is what was so important? _This_ is what you're so scared about?"

In Bartie's palm is a spider that is no bigger than a dime.

"STOP IT!" Virginia wails, backing up a few steps. "Kill it, just kill it already!"

"Why would I do that?" Bartie cradles the spider with both hands. "What did this poor little guy ever do to you?"

"Oh my Zero, Bartie, JUST KILL IT BEFORE I KILL _YOU_!"

"And leave you alone with the spider?" Bartie asks. At her silence, he smirks. "Yeah, didn't think so."

"KILL IT ALREADY!"

"Why don't _you_ kill it?" Bartie suggests, clearly amused. He smiles at her discomfort.

"No!" she replies incredulously. "What would I do with the body?!"

His grin broadens. With a swift, clean swipe, the bug is on Virginia. She shrieks in terror as she swats it off. The spider skitters on the floor. Deciding that her hysteria has reached its limit, Bartie stamps it out. He looks to Virginia, whose eye is furiously twitching. She scratches at her arms.

"What's wrong _now_?" he questions in exasperation.

"Bartie," she whimpers. "Bartie, I swear that monster laid its eggs in my skin."

Bartie chuckles. "Can I be a godfather?"


End file.
